Recent writing about the ‘service encounter’ suggests that high-quality service requires employee commitment and this will involve a more developed and sophisticated approach to HRM than has traditionally characterised the sector. Through an in-depth study of a sample of high service level hotels in the US and UK this paper argues, in contrast, that commitment can be created through a workplace culture that draws on family discourses and practices. It explores the ways in which this culture is developed and endorsed by both management and employees. This approach to generating commitment has costs in terms of the time and priority employees can give to their ‘real’ friends and family. By drawing on the highly gendered and hierarchical organisation of the family, it is argued that culture also contributes to gender stereotyping and hierarchies within and outside the workplace in ways that limit women's career opportunities